November 7, 2010

Bye-Bye Baby........

It has been a very full month - A lot has happened in the past 30 days.... We've been busy- been silly -  been sad -  been surprised -  and been proud.  what we have not been was bored!  A lot has changed around here.  I think it is possible that I have avoided posted anything about our busy month, because each day as been a part of this latest march towards change.

It was not much more that a year ago that I wrote about hating change. That is still pretty much true - I am not a big fan of change -  I have discovered however, that sometimes my problem with change means I stay in unhealthy situations because I am too stubborn or fearful to change or allow change to happen.  But the universe can be funny.... On a day recently that should have been marked with nothing more than loss for me, the universe stuck her foot out and tripped me up with a surprising and headshakin-ly funny, you could even say ironic event. I suppose the universe has to have both a sense of humor and a sense of balance.  Divulging the details of the door that was closed and the window was opened is not important, but in my quest this month to be thankful....And I still do not like change, I can be thankful that sometimes, change is good - and sometimes, change is painful - but sometimes, there are things to laugh about even when something is lost.  Lesson learned universe.... I have no control. Embrace it or fight it, either way I am simply along for the ride. How I spend my time on the ride is up to me.

Don't cry because it's over; Smile because it happened." ~ Dr Seuss
That said, I try to embrace change...... I fall short more often than not.  This past week Lula discovered that she can climb out of her crib. Something that Gigi never learned to do. I am not sure Gigi ever tried to do it.  But in true Lula fashion when she discovered that she can, quite easily, escape her crib she took it as a challenge to get out each time she was placed back into bed. So "Bye-Bye crib!" The LAST thing we need is a night time head injury as she climbs up and over the side rail. To the floor she went until we could figure out what to do.

So now to decide.... get another toddler bed?? Gigi and Lula in matching toddler beds would be ADORABLE! A bit sad to me because it means my baby is growing up to be darling little girl.... But two toddler beds? Would it be a better investment to buy Gigi the twin bed she will be moving into before long anyway, and put Lula into Gigi's toddler bed? But that means BOTH of my babies are growing up.....  I haven't really had to deal with these emotions yet. Gigi was a baby when Lula was born. Only 18 months old the day that Lula made her grand entrance, I've had two babies to focus on for so long.  It had been getting a bit more difficult for me since Gigi's birthday. Lula was 18 months old that day and.... that marked the end of our "baby days". And now.... Well now we are finished with the crib...... another era come and gone.

That brings me to my Mommy FAIL!  And the real reson I am writing this - Accountability.  Admit my mistake, correct it and learn from it. This is now the second year in a row that we are days away from Lula's birthday and I do not have a plan. Gigi's birthday's are planned and set in motion at the very least a month in advance. Lula, well poor Lu, I swear it is not second child syndrome. I am simply sitting stubbornly in denial. If I refuse to plan anything then it's not really happening.  {i wish!} If I don't think about her birthday maybe she won't turn two... {it would be nice... } Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. So here I sit, moments after emailing a few friends a last minute invite to help celebrate Lula's birthday.  I know she is young, and she won't know the difference. I know the few close friends we have here wouldn't miss it.  I know she will have a blast and all she cares about is time with her friends and the cupcakes.... But it's not fair to her. Not fair that I want to bury my head in the sand and pretend it isn't happening. 

Trying to find reasons to the thankful that my baby is growing up is easy, but the other side of all of those "thankful" coins is a melancholy goodbye.  

Okay, reasons to be thankful..... The bedtime battle with Gigi and Lula is amplified now that Lu is on a mattress right next to her sister and every night is like a sleepover. She can and does get up to walk around, play and avoid sleep. She takes at least twice as long to fall asleep and keeps her sister up and playing twice as long too. {yes, we attempt to stagger their bedtime, so Lu is asleep when G goes in but.... so far that has not worked out} But I am thankful that the girls are happy to be together. I am thankful that they want to snuggle and play and are not fighting. I am thankful that the older Lula gets the better playmate she makes for her sister. I am thankful that when they finally do fall asleep, no matter how frustrated I have been at the seemingly endless struggle; the sight of the two of them, either both on the same bed or both on the floor or both half on, half off of a mattress is so darling, it melts your heart.  I am thankful that I have my girls and they are getting the chance to grow up. Not every child gets that chance and not every mother gets to be there to witness it.  So.... "Bye-Bye Baby" 

Well, I have a birthday party to plan..... And it's going to be great!! 

"Bye-Bye Baby Lula-Monster. Hello, my darling little girl." 

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."
~Robert Munsch {Love you forever}

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