December 31, 2010

New Years Resolutions

Happy Last Day of 2010!!

Here are My Resolutions for 2011......
  • RETURN TO BLOGGING - I have taken a breather and it has been glorious! I needed to step away, compose myself, focus on my family and getting Gigi & Lula by SOH off to a running start.  I am ready to resume documenting my life as a mommy and musing about all that runs through this cavernous head of mine....
  • I have rested on 20 pound lighter and 2 dress sizes smaller laurels for long enough - Back to some regimented workouts and new fitness goals.  I WILL RUN A 1/2 MARATHON IN 2011 !! {it likely will not be the Marathon I had hoped to run in February 2011, but will be run BEFORE 2011 comes to a close!}
  • CARVE OUT DEDICATED TIME - Now that I have children, a business, a desire to run, workout and spend sometime on myself I need to find a better way to get it all done. Not just because I want to ensure that my kiddos don't miss out on one ounce of my time, but also because I cannot run a business by "fitting it in" when I have a spare moment or when I could be reading or playing with the kids.
  • STAY TRUE TO MYSELF - Far too often I say "Okay" when I want to scream "NO!" or I clam up when I should defend myself. I choose things according to what I think 'you' want to hear, see, do, have; rather than saying what *I* really want. I know some of you you might be scratching you heads and looking rather confused. "What? The architect of "Princessgate" doesn't speak her mind???" - Well it's true, this blog was my only voice for a while. My safe place to say what I think, feel, want, hate, like, etc..... It has gotten me into a bit of hot water.... It has cost me friends.... It has been, without a doubt, a blessing. I intend to stay true to myself and my feelings in 2011.

 Here's what I won't do....

  • I will not censor myself to make 'you' more comfortable.
  • I will not worry that someone might disagree with or dislike me. 
  • I will not sweep my 'Mommy Mishaps, Mistakes or Musings' under the rug for fear that someone might judge me and talk about me to my family, or friends, or my family's friends in an unkind manner.

I *will* blog, tweet and update my status about my mishaps, laugh at myself, judge myself and try to learn from my mistakes. I *will* own my ugly and embrace when I fall short as a mother and wife. Becuase knowing I fell short means I am aware I need to do better next time.

 Ending 2010 with a good laugh at myself and with hope for many more laughs in 2011...

“He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; He who makes one is a fool.” ~ F.M. Knowles

“Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors and let each New Year find you a better man.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
 Because my Grandfathers {all three of them} deserve to be honored for their service, their struggles and their love....

“In the New Year, may your right hand always be stretched out in friendship but never in want.”      ~ Traditional Irish toast

 And lastly, My toast to you tonight is this....

Here's to a bright New Year
and a fond farewell to the old.
Here's to the things that are yet to come,
and the memories that we hold.

Happy New Year!
Wishing you peace and love in 2011

December 12, 2010

I cannot stop playing with my new camera lens....

an early Christmas gift from Hubby! He purchased another lens for my too fabulous for words camera and I am like a fiend snapping photos 24/7. I won't bore you with Gigi's dance recital from Saturday night or her Preschool's Christmas Production in Church this morning. {For those of you who follow my family blog you can find those photos and video there tomorrow or the next day} But here a few of the best from the last week....

And Honey, if I haven't said it enough "I LOVE my new camera lens!!"

If you don't have anything nice to say.....

A lesson I still, at 34 have yet to really learn. I could blame it on my A.D.D. and say I cannot always control my mouth. If it hits my brain chances are it's going to hit my lips.... But… well... That sounds a lot like a cop out to me, so I am sure to those of you who are not me; you're thinking it does too.

A few months back I, ah..... let my freak flag fly and my true colors {and feelings} show about my views on the "Princess Possessed" {My words I think from that fated post} It ruffled some feathers, spurred some hate email and some support and it was clear that I had touched on a "hot topic". There were not many who sat on the fence about this post. You either slapped me on the back and said "Amen" or cursed my name and wrote me off as belonging in the "Mommy Dearest category". Either way, I can live with the heat my mouth can and has generated and with the consequences of my actions or words. I can even live with the fact that this post cost me a friend. A friend I might add that I thought of as *closer* than family. Here is where my mouth gets me into trouble again......

My friend was in large part my friend because we have daughters the same age. We have some other important things in common, or we did but our girls were the super glue that brought us together and formed a pretty solid bond very quickly. So the loss of this friend meant a harsh reality for Gigi. Like I said, I can live with the consequences of my actions. I can dust myself off, move on and tell myself "I'm better off." But how do you justify your actions to a 3 year old? How do you explain that you cannot see your best friend anymore because your Mommy sucks?

So for several weeks now I have dodged, deflected and diverted attention from the incessant questions...

"When can we see....?"
"Can.... Come over today?"
"I want to go to .......'s house."
Can ..... to go with us?"

I had hoped that after weeks of making excuses and deflecting and distracting with...

"..... is on vacation."
"......Is busy."
"Lets invite Addie!"
"We're going to Vincent's!"
"Taylor is coming over today!"
"We're going with Lillianna and Sophia."
"Nope tpday we have a play date with Erica."
"Logan and Cooper are going to be there!!"

Would help to lessen the loss.... It didn't. Every day and deflection only compounded the questions. *Sigh* so in a moment of stupidity and exhaustion I said. "Mommy made {my ex-friend} mad and she doesn't want to be my friend anymore." Yes - I KNOW! Stupid, stupid, stupid - Mommy Fail! I was tired and not really thinking and at the end of my rope with the questions. This of course induced hysterical pleas to call my ex-friend and say that I am sorry and beg forgiveness. Yes, My 3 year old wanted me to implore someone to "forgive me". When I said that it didn't work that way she begged to go directly home and call them herself. Yup, my heart broke! I said something stupid again and now my child was hurting because of it! I was fully aware as the words were coming out of my mouth that what I was saying was wrong. I was remorseful beyond words as my child was hurting and pleading and trying to "fix it". And then I was angry.... So I lied. I hated doing it. I KNOW that it’s going to come back and bite me in the ass, but I lied and said they moved far away. SHIT! Life is messy and motherhood is hard.... What are you going to do?? No seriously….. What am I going to do???

FAIL #2.

At the playground with one of my dearest friends and she kept calling Gigi by a nickname she knows makes me cringe; A name that we often correct people when they refer to her by it. We have corrected people so often and so long that Gigi herself has been known to say "It's just Gigi." when called by the name that makes my shoulders shrug and my skin hurt. To be fair my friend was not doing it consciously and knows better, but in one of our shared A.D.D. moments it just kept slipping out. So, I said, and not really to Gigi but more passive/aggressively to my friend "Gigi, the next time Siler calls you ..... kick her in the shin and say "It's just Gigi"." Ahhhh, yes, open mouth, insert foot. What possessed me to say something like that to my 3 year old, or near my 3 year old? Sarcasm is not yet in her repertoire.

So after saying that Gigi promptly walked over to Siler's 2 and half year old, a friend of Gigi's and kicked her in the shin and she said matter-of-factly "It's just Gigi." and walked away. I was mortified! I knew I was wrong and rushed to Siler's daughter, explained to Gigi I was wrong and that we don't ever kick or hit. I felt about 2 inches tall. and when I stood up to reiterate my remorse to Siler she said, with a laugh, it's okay and promptly kicked me in the shin!

That's why my friends need to be just-like-Siler. Give and take; Support and slap-down. I know that she has my back because we are friends, but she will, always, 110% of the time call me on my B.S. and put me in my place. So until I get control of my runaway mouth, I might have to put myself on friend probation and stick with Siler and Grace. The two friends who take everything I say with a grain of salt and never let me live down my dumbest moments. I will never hear the end of either of these stories from them, that is until I do the next big-dumb thing, then they'll drop "Shingate" and my "Traumatic Truth Telling Debacle" for a while with the give me a hard time about my newest fiasco.

Dear Shelbi, if you don’t have anything nice to say…Then…..Shut the $%&* up!

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