January 25, 2010

Secrets...

Secrets are not my strong suit.

I don't know what it is about a secret that makes me want to blab??? Is it that the news is so exciting that I am just bursting??? I cannot say for sure, but anyone who knows me knows I have issues with secrets.

It was right about Christmas that some very important people in my life started entrusting me with big news. I am thrilled to be counted important enough to be 'in the know' before anyone else. But...UUGGHH! Secrets!!!!! Baby secrets; Engagement on the horizon secrets; Impending move secrets.... *...Holding breath ... Turning blue...*

So I sat and I prayed...
"God grant me the strength..."

I meditated...
"OMmmm....... OMmmm..."

and I pleaded...
"Please hurry up and make these announcements so I can breathe again and jump up and down and scream and shout and be publicly excited...."

I see a light at the end of the tunnel!!!!! Things are happening, plans are being made, lips are starting to loosen.... *Breathe. Just breathe* Wheew!*       --    2010 promises to be a very exciting year for some very important people in my life! I can't wait!!


Oh, and in case you're curious - SORRY! Don't bother, my lips are sealed....for once!

January 17, 2010

Google Alert: Golf; Irrigation

Well what do you know? - An old co-worker of my husband's stumbled upon my blog recently. As the story was told to me, he has Google alerts set up to search for all golf and irrigation related publications out there in cyberspace. And...Well, my little old blog popped up as pertinent to "Golf; Irrigation" That would be, and this is just my best guess, because I give a brief bio about Hubby on my blog?? This is what is says:

Hubby:


A golf course irrigation salesman, he spends more time on the road than at home. The money making is his job and the child rearing is mine. Though there is an uneven distribution of the rest of the work. In my defense, he knew me before we were married. The love of my life bears the brunt of most of the cleaning around here as well.


From ''small'' town Massachusetts, he longs to get back to that simple life. Maybe one day I'll give in and we'll go back. For now he takes solace in the ability to play golf year round.

I am told that this colleague who stumbled upon my blog and was amused to find that he knows the author was also surprised that I speak so harshly about my "Hubby". He felt the casual observer, one who does not know me, might think I do not really like my husband. This confused me, and of course put me on the defense. If you do know me you know I am quick to defend myself, but am also willing to eat my words if I in fact I spoke out of turn. So I, quite without my Hubby knowing, rushed to review my blog. Since I knew that I was discovered based upon keywords and that the keywords would have to be "Golf - Irrigation" I thought it must be this one; But it was when I was told that I had stated that I'd been away from writing for a while but was back now. I knew for sure, so I went back and reviewed my writing. I have been "harsh" with my feelings about people in my life on this blog. The sole purpose was to tell about my life from Happy Hour to Story Hour and muse about what the Hell happened??? Or disclose my insane mishaps. Or the rare occasion, my triumphs. In all that, and although I know I can be hard on my husband for maybe not spending enough of what I consider 'quality time' with the girls; I thought I had done a pretty good job singing his praises and throwing myself under the bus in my blurb about who I am married to. There is no doubt that the work is unevenly distributed and although I bear a good chunk of the child-rearing responsibility, I do not need to do much else.

So, on the off chance that my humor did not translate into the written word or was lost on some, I would like to clarify.... I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt from my days as a flight attendant that living out of a suit case and in hotel rooms night after night is not fun. Living on Subway, McDonalds, Taco Bell, Chili's and driving all over creation is not my idea of the high life. No, my Hubby is not footloose and fancy free. He works like a dog so that I do not have to. He spends his life in that past its prime SUV so that I can raise our kids. He keeps this beautiful roof over our heads. He keeps us in swim lessons and new clothes and the refrigerator and pantry stocked with food. There are new toys and trips to Florida all because of how hard he works. Trips to Florida without him I must add. We get to take vacations while he works. If all that were not enough, he comes home from work and does all his own laundry and most of ours. He does the dishes, vacuums when needed, cares for the yard. What do I do? I get to go on play dates and to swim lessons. I get to go to story time and do arts and crafts. I get to play games and do puzzles and sit in the sun and get fresh air. I get to do all the fun stuff.

Just in case anyone did not understand that I was singing my Hubby's praises ... I was! He does it all, and doesn't often complain. If I need to shed a bit more light on my self-defaming bio of my husband. He does all the work. He lives here and not back east because I don't want to go. He does just about everything he does for me and I do very little to make his life any easier. So if I say “he can take solace in the fact that he can golf year round”. That is not a dig at all that he plays golf. He deserves it. After all he does why shouldn't he get to hit the links and enjoy a little sunshine and fresh air?

Thank you Hubby! If I don't say it enough - Thank you! You're the best!!

January 11, 2010

Pharmacological Guinea Pig

First thing this morning I had my quarterly appointment with my Endocrinologist. I dread these appointments for a few reasons. They are always, for some unknown reason, at the crack of dawn. It might have to do with how busy Dr. Gronski is and the fact that they will not let me schedule my appointments until after I’ve seen the doctor; so all the mid-day, late morning, whatever appointments are gone and I am stuck with saying yes to 8 or 8:30am. This time slot poses a few problems with the kids. The first issue being, that if Brian is out of town or has meetings I have no child care. We have to leave the house by 7am to make an 8am appointment and asking the few friends dear enough to help out with the girls to be ready for my girls at 7am is… Well, I would just never do that to my friends. The second is leaving so early means I have to feed them breakfast before they are ready and they barely eat so by the time we sit down in the exam room – Hunger has set in and they have not had any real protein so they are going to act out.

The second reason I dread these appointments is… my girls. I don’t know what it is about my doctors (and yes there are many) that makes my girls act out. They sit in the waiting room just fine. I bring books, paper, crayons, sippy cups, snacks, dolls. To say I am prepared to keep them entertained is often an understatement. In the event that a book or snack doesn’t hold their interest there are at least two or three other things to do. Grace and I talk about her behavior and what is expected of her and Lily in advance on the way to the appointment. They, as I said, sit in the waiting room just fine. They sit in the exam room with me just fine, but as soon as the doctor enters and sits down, all Hell breaks loose. Lily is crying Grace is interrupting or needing to go potty (Which I always get out of the way before the appointment!) Someone is touching someone else, or hiding under a chair or just plain screaming “Mommy!” Why??? All the nurses think my kids are peaches and I am sure all my doctors are wondering what the hell kind of mother I am??

Then I start to question myself… Why is it I can discipline my kids so harshly at home but in front of others I try to ignore it in the hopes that not paying attention will make it go away? Then I realize that I have conditioned my girls that I won’t grab her by the arms, place her firmly in time-out and make the behavior stop when we’re out and about. Oh, I’ve left stores, playgrounds, play dates and restaurants and we’ve had some very tearful rides home. My kids know I mean business - when no one’s looking. No, I don’t hit my kids. I am not beating them while no one is looking. I am anti-spanking unless it is a serious offense. Such offenses are rare in my house. But sometimes, when the cat is kicked or hit for no reason a swift and seemingly out of nowhere swat on the butt get the point across…. But I digress – Taking the girls to my doctors appointments are an exercise in self loathing and frustration.

The final is reason is drugs. I know some of you are laughing at the moment. Some because you think you know what I am going to say and others because of what I am going to say. I am not a fan of pharmaceuticals. Okay, go on now and have a good chuckle and then we will continue… I try to get through headaches without aspirin. I am sure there is still a bottle of pain medication from my c-section over a year ago; because I did not like the way the pills made me feel. But drugs seem to be a necessary evil in my life these days. And today one more was added to the ever growing list of crap I have to take every morning.

I have pretty much run the gamut of Thyroid medications since my diagnosis. Blood work has never been a truthful indicator of where I really am with regard to Thyroid function so I have been a virtual guinea pig when it came to type, dosage, brand, generic medication, etc. As of today I am now on two different medications to manage my symptoms - *Sigh* - That is in addition to the recent change from Concerta to Adderol after a few dosage changes there as well. Then some meds must be taken on an empty stomach and others on a full – some once a day and others twice a day and half the time I can’t even remember if I had breakfast by the time lunch rolls. However, I do all of this for my kids. I do this so I will have the energy not only to play with them but to discipline them when they are out of control, like they were today at the doctor’s office. I do it so I can stay organized so that things will run smoothly and I won’t have to take out my frustrations on them when I cannot seem to get it together to get out the door on time; And they do what any 1 and a half and three year old would do – Stop to check out the line of ants crossing the driveway or stand awe struck as a plane flies over or truck drives by as I stand in the garage yelling “C’mon! Let’s go! We’re going to be late! I don’t have time for this!!” But mostly I do it so I won’t drug my kids. Maybe if I can be alert enough and healthy enough and organized enough I can get my kids through all of the challenges they are going to face (and present) without drugging them!
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