September 15, 2010

I got a break

I got a break today. My BFF sometimes referred to as my "LL" took the girls for almost 5 hours this morning. I thought about working on the ever looming mountain of "projects" that are making my throat close and my chest tight lately. {All self imposed projects mind you.} And then I thought ... Maybe I will take some of my mother's advice from yesterday and do something for me. - Just me - Step back, take a deep breath and indulge myself.

I am not a girly girl. Oh without a doubt when I was a flight attendant I happily indulged in bi-weekly pedicure and my nails were always perfect and I spend a bucket-load of money on my hair - But in my time away from the girls. in my brief, infrequent respites, the last thing I want to do is be stuck in a chair getting my toes painted, or hair cut, colored or whatever.... So while I promised myself that my bi-weekly time off I would clean my home. While I am getting knots in my stomach about not blogging as faithfully as I want to and while there are Gigi and Lula projects to be finished. I got my sweat on without crying, whining, fighting girls and then I went for a swim.

Oh the swim.... I had almost forgotten just how deeply in love I am with water. Today, alone, and I mean completely alone at the pool.... Surrounded by some of the most beautiful desert and mountain views in the area; with birds chipping and the sun-light changed from summer to fall... It was like a weight was lifting off of my chest. The world quite simply washed away. The water was heavenly- pleasingly cool. The desert is so unforgiving hot all summer that the pool temperature rises to bath water and feels more like a punishment than reward most days. But thanks to a 4 day glimpse of cooler days and evening temperatures that drop into the 70's the pool was like diving into my childhood.

I will admit that most days, I try to spend as much of my time in the pool underwater. I like the quiet. I like that no matter how many bodies are crammed into the pool scrambling for a momentary break from the oppressive heat; no matter how many unattended children are screaming and splashing; no matter how many pre-teens and teens are recklessly running and jumping and flipping about,unaware and uninterested in the safety of their fellow swimmers way or their own - It's peaceful underwater. The screams sound like hums and the weightlessness.... I love the look, sound, and feeling of underwater. Today, without the need to hide, or seek the refuge of the pool's depths - I simply floated.

Why am I rambling on about floating in the pool this afternoon? Why am I waxing poetic about how deeply in love I am with water for the millionth time? Raving about how gloriously cool, quiet, peaceful, cleansing it was? It has to do with taking time. I am sure that cleaning my home would have been a weight lifted. I know that finishing the 4 or 5 posts that I really do want to write would have made that looming mountain feel less-so and my chest a bit less constricted. I know that the mothers out there like me who choose to focus on the kids and let the rest of the minutia take a backseat often take their time away from the kids to tackle the unending laundry, mop a floor, scrub a toilet or run a few solo errands.... But I think we all underestimate how much more productive we would be if we spent that time on ourselves. Not necessarily on our hair our nails - But if you could truly do anything for an hour or two. Something that you really love.... What would it be? Without a doubt the things that must be checked off of our list make life feel a bit less overwhelming, but sweat, sunlight and water have made me a new woman.

Try it... the next time you get a break, forget the housework and the grocery shopping... Indulge yourself. I am so glad that I did. I suppose sometimes our mothers are right.

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