September 29, 2010

Do you miss me?

I know I haven't blogged in a week - The winner of the Stroller Stride September Giveaway {Yay Ali Dausend of Baby Feet n Baby Steps !!}was announced and I have not even posted her name {excpet on A Mother's Musings Facebook and Twitter pages} Last week was the week from Hell. I know.... Everyone says that and then you hear their story and roll your eyes. But last week, for me really was...

I have been staring at a blank post page for a week trying to find the words.......... One week ago tonight - One week ago tonight at exactly this moment I was racing downstairs to call poison control and then waking one child and calming another while trying to lod them into the car - by myself - for a night in the ER.

I need to and I will share this story, along with all of the other drama of the week... But at the moment it's painful. It's a failure - It's hard to admit that I am NOT Super-Mom ---- Oh I have never claimed to be Super-Mom {although snarky neighbors have said I consider myself to be}... But I have been known to and mostly do pride myself on my hands on - active in their day, mothering approach.  My day and life revolves around my children - Our ER story is a dagger to my gut. So I will share, but I am not ready just yet  --- This week, even in my "down-time" I have spent "on duty" as Mom....

My 34th birthday is Sunday. I don't want to start my 34th year with a "To Do List" - I will get all the old posts off my chest before Sunday - and Start 34 fresh.  Here's a heads up.... When I tell my ER story - I have made peace with the ordeal. I will forgive myself for what happend. Chalk this up as a lesson in what to do better/different next time and comfort myself with the fact that I AM A GOOD MOTHER. But I have learned that I am not the only one who has blinked to find in a moment a nightmare unfolding.... Think about your scariest parenting moment. How horrible did you feel? How terrified were you? Did you learn your lesson? Can we learn from your ordeal? Could you maybe let another mother or father out there know... "It's happened before. You are not the first and you will probably not be the last?"

I know I have posed a question before and sat listening to the crickets chirping as no one answered. So..... "Hello? Are you out there? Is anyone listening to me? Or am I... as usual...simply talking to hear my own voice?"

If I am the only one reading this - I need not relive my ER drama...

6 comments:

Andrea said...

I know why you were at the ER and, seriously, that was an ACCIDENT! You need to be more forgiving of your mistakes Shelbi; after all, that is how we learn. She's fine. You are fine. It is not a reflection on the type of mom you are as you are an excellent mother. A much better mother than I am.

Just so you know that you are not reading this alone, when Jake was 8 months old he wasn't really moving. Rolled places sometimes but not really. So I place him on our bed while I was getting his bath ready, right in the center. He had started to cry and I just called to him, "you're OK!" but actually he had fallen off the bed. He landed right between the dresser and the night stand. A fraction of an inch in either direction and he would have really hurt himself and we would have been in the ER or worse.

Mel said...

I don't have to type much which is good since I'm under the covers in bed with my iPad so a lot of typos occur. I can instead just say "ditto" to Andrea's comment!!!! I agree with her that you are an awesome Mommy & an accident doesn't change that!!!! Also we shared almost the exact same "falling off the bed" incident over here. Seriously the slightest shift in either direction would have been horrific. Ugh - still makes me sick to my stomach. Anywho - missed your posts, glad you're back & be nice to yourself. Oh & Happy Early Birthday!!!

DarkTouch said...

My top two stories have both been puking stories. Fortunately, neither have been as bad as what I've put my own parents through.

At the ripe old age of three days old, my little man decided to start puking up blood. I was nervous enough as a new parent but there was blood in his spitup. We went to the emergency room. Turns out he'd been nursing too hard and the little vampire was drinking Mommy's blood. Apparently blood is an irritant when it comes to the stomachs of little babies. Go figure.

The second one was when he was barely old enough to stand on his own and he got the flu. What I remember is being up in the middle of the night holding his little hands so that he's standing over a bucket dry heaving while crying out in feat at what was happening to him. It was... difficult.

Robin said...

I don't know you personally, but looks like the first two people who commented do and it sounds like you are a good mother. Mommy guilt is going to always be with us. I don't know why, but it is! Did I spend enough time? Was I too hard on them? Not hard enough? We are going to always question ourselves because these little ones are the most important thing in the world. Accidents happen!

Melissa said...

I have a "OMG, I'm a horrible mother" story. My oldest, DJ, was allergic to milk, soy, & peanuts until he was 2. He stopped gaining weight, so we saw a nutritionist. She recommended he have little pieces of potato chips for extra fat. Now, he was only 18 months and not eating real well, but because she said to give them, I did. He did well the first few times, then, he choked. I don't mean cough, cough, gag, spit, I mean choke. I whipped him out of his highchair and started banging on his back. I felt him lose consciousness and go limp in my arms and I just panicked. I started screaming at my husband to help me, because even though I'm a nurse, and take CPR every year, my back thrusts were ineffective. My husband got it right out though and we went right to the Doctors then to the hospital to make sure there wasn't anything still lodged in his throat. The whole time, the Doctor's were asking why I would give an 18 month old chips and I just had to keep saying "the nutritionist recommended it", all the while feeling like the worst mom ever.

My 18 month old daughter also has been diagnosed with PICA and I am terrified!! She's been running a fever near 103 since last night and all I can think of is "Did she eat something? Where were we yesterday? Did I get everything put away?" I think we"ll leave the child gates on for a little longer, that's for sure...

Anonymous said...

Seriously with 4 kids, 3 boys, 13, 10 next month & 7 this month I have plenty of stories to share!! lol! A few mini ones, Alexx age 5 tried to jump from the tv stand to the futon...he didnt make it! Fractured elbow and this was Easter day!! Dylan climed on a toy pulled down a xmass stocking that was being held by a stocking holder (heavy like a paperweight) hit him on the forehead. About 2 years old (FYI anything from the neck up bleeds ALOT!!) glued the opening back together onhis forehead! Great alternative to stitches when it can be used!!! Ok now my 2 big ones. The ones that made me feel bad as a mommy. Erick 9 months old was playing on the floor with both his brothers and I, I look over to him and see a flash of what looked like copper in his mouth...I am 2 feet away from him and before I can yell no he swallows....then starts gagging I yelled its stuck!!! Alexx, my oldest says whats stuck? I say Erick found a penny & its stuck in his throat. I pack up all 3 boys (Bobby was working about 3plus hours up north) and rush to the ER. With xrays (I still have them) the penny is lodged in the middle of his throat. We transfer to baystate my parents meet me, my mom takes the two boys, and my dad stays with me. Erick goes in for surgery and they accidently push the penny down...And I am told it may get RESTUCK on its way out... JOY!! 4 days later and 2 more xrays...checking threw all poopy diapers YUCK, and i see the penny in a pile of poop!! Sigh of relief!!!!! #2 Dylan age 9 under a year ago ate 3/4 of a BIG bottle of gummy vitamins. It was on a shelf he climed & can open child proof bottles. I spot the bottle freak he slowly admitts to it & bobby takes him to the ER. Dylan says "if they have to pump my stomache knock me out first!!" Fortunatley those things are watered down....Dylan is not the first & wont be the last the nurse says....waster of $!!!! And why they shouldnt look like gummybears!!!! Its me shelbi Megan I put anonymous beacause I dont have any of the other accounts!! lol! You are a great mom!! What doesnt break us makes us stronger!!! xoxoxo

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