I can't

I can't keep up.

I can't wake up.

I can't clean up.

I can't catch up.

I can't find the energy..

the will...

the courage...

the words...

Don't get me wrong - My life is good. My kids are growing. My husband is still around... well around as in still married to and in love with me... although on the road as much as ever {poor guy}.

I don't have any real complaints. You know me... I can find a million things to bitch about. Hell, I can even find a million people to bitch about if I put my mind to it... But I have all these things I want to blog about. I have mishaps... oh boy do I have mishaps.... But the time and energy to thoughtfully record these events, misadventures and mis-steps is something I cannot seem muster. I keep my kids as the number one proirity... The husband, housework and sleep are close seconds.... Before I know it there's nothing left for me. that's not true, clearly mothering is for me. It must be since I hear about all the things other mothers do, like workout; clean house; get manicures and pedicures; lunch dates and date-dates. So if all I seem to do is play with the kids and care for the kids and clean up after the kids it must be what I want to do... It is and I can admit, at least what I choose to do!

I am making a promise to myself right now. Somehow I will make the time to record all the things that have been swirling around in my brian for the few months. Maybe if I get all these things out I can find the energy to keep up, wake up, clean up, catch up and maybe, just maybe the words will come. So to keep myself honest here's a few of the things I've wanted to say... With any will power at all I'll get them blogged out.... Although I know what Hurl would say... With any will power at all I'll keep them to myself.  What's that old saying?? If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all? Well.... If you ask me, sometimes.... Sh*t needs to be said.....actually....Sometimes Sh*t needs to be read {I mean heard}!     :-)

My list of two that I am commiting to... I wanted to tell about my house guests a few months back and how I'm "The Mean Mommy". AND I wanted to finally put down in black and white the drama that was "My Return from Florida". Beacuse a comedy of errors that horrifying must be told, read and laughed heartily at...And If I think really hard there are a few other things I have to get off my chest... Bear with me... I'll get there!

Secrets...

Secrets are not my strong suit.

I don't know what it is about a secret that makes me want to blab??? Is it that the news is so exciting that I am just bursting??? I cannot say for sure, but anyone who knows me knows I have issues with secrets.

It was right about Christmas that some very important people in my life started entrusting me with big news. I am thrilled to be counted important enough to be 'in the know' before anyone else. But...UUGGHH! Secrets!!!!! Baby secrets; Engagement on the horizon secrets; Impending move secrets.... *...Holding breath ... Turning blue...*

So I sat and I prayed...
"God grant me the strength..."

I meditated...
"OMmmm....... OMmmm..."

and I pleaded...
"Please hurry up and make these announcements so I can breathe again and jump up and down and scream and shout and be publicly excited...."

I see a light at the end of the tunnel!!!!! Things are happening, plans are being made, lips are starting to loosen.... *Breathe. Just breathe* Wheew!*       --    2010 promises to be a very exciting year for some very important people in my life! I can't wait!!


Oh, and in case you're curious - SORRY! Don't bother, my lips are sealed....for once!