Quarantined

Oy Vey… First – if you see us out and about – Don’t judge me; just simply steer clear. It’s not like we’ll be walking around spreading SARS… And I can guarantee you we won’t be licking people or spitting on them. But if I run out of milk, you can bet your life the girls and I will be at Safeway picking some up.

Over the course of last week we spent a few brief hours with one of our little friends who has, come to find out, Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease {virus}. Poor thing she is really suffering. Her diagnosis came over the weekend after suffering what seemed like the world’s worst bout of teething for 3 or 4 days. A Saturday afternoon ER visit confirmed her refusal to eat or drink was the result of several painful mouth and throat lesions caused by Hand Foot and Mouth. Our exposure to our suffering buddy was limited and the chances of the virus being passed to my girls slim, but there was still a chance. What are you going to do? If you have kids, they are going to find germs. No matter how thick you think the bubble you have around them is... They-Will-Find-Germs! That coupled with the fact that my friend had no idea that her daughter was sick… Kids, get sick, we don’t always know until it’s too late.

So after this limited exposure I had to have a conversation with myself. Grace in all likelihood has already had Hand, Foot and Mouth. Back in August 2008, we were home in Western Massachusetts and Grace had a play date with a child who was getting over Hand Foot and Mouth. A week later we were in the ER with Grace trying to determine what was wrong and if we could fly back home. The diagnosis was “It could be…” If in fact Grace had Hand Foot and Mouth it is unlikely she will catch it again. It’s a virus after all. Once you’ve had it, you have the antibodies… But, with the way viruses mutate and with so many different strains of these viruses floating around out there… Never say never! So Grace was probably okay but Lil..., I was pregnant with Lily when Grace’s “possible” infection occurred. Lily could still get sick. I was about to start babysitting this week for a little boy. Should I tell his parents; “FYI – My kids are healthy at the moment but they were exposed to hand Foot and Mouth Disease this week.”??? I thought that was just foolish, no need to panic anyone.

Monday my new charge arrived with instructions that the poor little guy had a fever from teething and would need to be kept comfortable with Tylenol. He was in a fair amount of discomfort and it could be a rough day in a new place with the teething and all. It was rough, but it could have been worse. Today when he arrived I am told that even though he did not nap here all day yesterday he did not sleep well at all that night. To add to his increasing teething discomfort he now had a diaper rash {which was attributed to teething} Truth-be-told the rash looked frighteningly familiar, but I dismissed it. The day wore on today with increased discomfort for my poor little buddy and by afternoon his pain was not longer managed by medicine. After closer examination of the ear he’d been tugging on I noticed the same bumps {rash} on his ear that adorned his bottom. So with fingers crossed and breath held I took hold of his feet and peeked at the soles with squinted eyes and gritted teeth. Bumps and blisters. NOOOOOOOOOO! A quick call to his mom and his parents were on their way. No need to rush topick him up... If it is what I think it is, it’s too late for my girls…. By 4:30pm his parents were here to take him to the evening Urgent care and by 5:30pm the diagnosis was confirmed. It’s Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease with lesions in his mouth and throat explaining his mouth pain and drooling. Poor baby! Apparently Arizona is in the midst of a Hand, Foot and Mouth epidemic. Woo Hoo!

So now, the girls and I are here in the house avoiding contact with our friends, praying that Grace has already had this and does not get it again and Lily is somehow spared; though… with the way that she is a sippy cup thief and had out little friend’s cup on several occasions the last two days and with her being my Pica baby and all {everything in the mouth!!} I’m pretty sure that within 3 – 7 days we’ll be trying to sooth poor Lula’s pain. "CRAP!" So now I am no longer stuck in the house babysitting, but I’m stuck in the house waiting. Waiting and praying that we all stay healthy.

Before the quarantine took place “officially” I snuck the kids over to the pool for an after dinner swim. I told Grace that we had germs on us and the chlorine in the pool would wash them away. NEVER TELL A THREE YEAR OLD ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT REPEATED PUBLICLY! She told a stranger at the pool who asked “Are you taking an after dinner swim?” -- “No, we’re just here washing the germs off.” Oops! That was embarrassing. Now on to figuring out how to disinfect 2200sq feet of germ infested house…

Raw truth

Yesterday while talking with a friend I had a momentary breakdown. Out of nowhere and in the middle of our conversation I had this angry, hurt, sobbing, vulnerable, raw moment. Like an overflowing toilet all of these emotions started roiling up and spilling out beyond my control. Emotions that I either did not know I had or have suppressed for so long that I was now helpless to stop them from spilling out.

We were talking about the simple acts of going for a walk or a run without kids in tow. The hair or nail salon, the gym, whatever.... Getting to do something for yourself without the kids. All of a sudden I could feel it. There is often a little rumble inside me when I listen to my girlfriends talk about their bike rides or hikes or massages; or when I see their newly cut hair and perfectly manicured nails and toes. But I always manage to ignore it and I’m fine. I have a good life. I like my life. But yesterday was tantamout to a damn bursting and it took me a few minutes to gain control of the overflow.

So I believe my meltdown started with the facts that my Stroller Strides buddies are about to participate this Wednesday in the 3rd 'Mom’s Night Out' they’ve had since I joined. And…. for the third month in a row I am unable to join them. That coupled with the fact that Brian is on a 2 week road trip.... The weekends with him away are always the worst for me. My friends’ husbands are all home, they have plans and lives, leaving the girls and me to fend for ourselves for 48hours….Just the three of us.

So, back to my meltdown- I was telling my friend about another amazing friend I have here who saw that I might need or want some help this weekend and sent an email to me saying. “I know you hubby is out of town this weekend…" and then made offers like- “Come over for dinner/lunch; Leave the girls for an hour or two and get out of the house; Come for a swim with us this weekend; pick one or take us up on all.” I was so touched that someone was thinking about me and cared enough to ask if I needed help - but in the middle of my telling this story and singing the praises of this friend it got dark… I got dark… The next thing I know I am angry and crying and spilling my guts about never having any help….

My poor girlfriend- I am sure she had no idea what to do or say. Out of the blue I am sobbing and saying things like. “I don’t have any help!! It’s me and my girls all day every day. I don’t get to go do anything alone! I can’t wake up early and go for a run or a hike… There’s no one here to watch the girls! I can’t leave in the evening and go swim laps or run to the store or get a pedicure, there’s no one here to watch the girls! I don’t know why no one seems to understand that!”

After I gained my composure again, and hung up the phone with my, I am sure shell-shocked, friend I realized. Why would anyone understand that? The question I am most frequently asked about my husband’s job keeping him on the road the majority of the time is; “How do you do it?” I always make some joke about it being “easier when he’s on the road", and something about "the girls and my routine" or some bull shit. Or say "it’s all I’ve ever known."... “He’s been traveling for work for years"…. Because, what do you do? Pour your guts out about how hard it is? Cry that you are so tired and overwhelmed you don’t know what to do??? But the truth is – It’s hard. The truth is I LOVE MY GIRLS but I need a break! I really, really, really, need something for me. Sure I get to go to Stroller Strides three times {hours} a week… But the girls go with and I spend most of the hour figuring out how to get them the snacks they’re asking for, the different toys/books/bubbles they want, make them drink more water, etc… while still getting the max I can out of my workout. It’s not exactly 'me time'.

What are you going to do? It is what it is. I have a good life; a hardworking, amazing husband; two truly good kids who have their 'moments' but in the end are really good, kind little girls. I cannot complain. I just wish I had time every now and then to leave the house sans offspring, but… we always want what we don’t have right? And although I have an amazing neighbor and friend who would watch my girls every once in a while so that I could have a break – It would have to be something I really, really, needed to do before I could take her up on it. I would feel like I was taking advantage the whole time I was out and about and it wouldn’t be worth the time away.
{You know who you are… From the bottom of my heart, Thank You!}

So – My fix… I am going to enroll Grace Elizabeth in tumbling classes on Saturday mornings. That way when hubby is on the road we at least have some reason to leave the house on Saturday. And normally the girls and I would go to my Aunt and Uncle’s for Sunday dinner, but this weekend my aunt is back in Western Massachusetts. Our weeks are pretty full and seem to pass quickly. I think the key is to fill our weekends too… We shall see. Maybe now that I’ve finally let the hurt and anger and resentment out I’ll be okay. So to my poor shell shocked girlfriend who let me pour my heart and guts out … I owe you. Thank you for always being the one I can just be me with- Flaws and all – I love you!!