Chasing.... { wait... scratch that } "Choosing" JOY!

I have essentially been either sick or injured since my half marathon in November. The holidays came and went and now I am staring down the barrel of my next half marathon. Yup, President's weekend I am running another half marathon. All I can say is; It sounded good at the time...

A few weeks ago I ran 6 miles and was so happy with that run that I immediately went to workout with my friends. 3 minutes into that workout I knew something was wrong. I was in that STOP this is bad kind of pain. Not the push through, gut it out, woman-up kind of pain, but this is BAD. So I listened, I rested, I iced, I foam rolled, I stretched, I took care of myself.  I didn't run again, until....

Last week. Last week was the Tough Mudder-- Forget the sprained knee, I aggravated my ITBS a few miles before I even fell from that wall and hit the ground wrong. Grrrr.... Doubt set in: I haven't trained and I am supposed to run a half marathon in a month, how am I going to do this? I cannot even get halfway through a 12.5 mile run without feeling like I might pass out from the pain. What am I thinking??

Yup. I'm a quitter..... I start lots of things I never finish.... I'm flighty.... but I am also stubborn, As. A. Mule. So, tonight I strapped on my running shoes {yes, my silly, ugly, fugly, ridiculous, mockable running shoes - and I love 'em} and I ran out the door for a traveling Body Back class. Determined to use tonight's class as a litmus test for how I'll do in next month's half marathon. The class, had me frustrated early on. I ate too heavy a meal beforehand and not only had lead in my belly but my legs felt boggy and I felt like I was running through molasses. My knee started to bother me half way through, all I could think was how tired, heavy, slow, achy I felt. Then my focus turned to my knee, was it bothering me? Was it in my head? Could I readjust? Could I change my gait, stride, pace.... Thinking....thinking...thinking....

ENOUGH!

Here's what I am walking away with from tonight's class....

Great job Shelb! You not only got one, but TWO workouts in today. The first with only one child today at Stroller Strides. Then....You were kid free {woo-hoo!!}  at Body Back for your second, with some amazing women, out in the fresh air, getting your sweat on. BRAVO Mama!  BRAVO!

The traveling class wasn't really all that brutal -- But being stuck in my head, in a negative space was. If I had just let go and stopped thinking, I might have enjoyed the class more. In retrospect, I really did have a good class, if I censor my thoughts and simply leave them on the cutting room floor,  what I did physically was pretty fabulous!

I cannot use a Body Back traveling class to determine if I can or cannot run a half marathon on too little training, pain-free. See, trying to keep up with {read: right on the heels of}  'Sound Barrier Busting Nielsen', stopping and starting, circling back, catching up, slowing down, fitting different stations in every few miles, there is simply no getting into a groove. I can never just let go, relax and run... So trying to base how I will fare in a run, off of how I did during a traveling class is a bad idea!

I can run this next half marathon. It might not be as pretty as my half in November. It might not be as fast as my half in November, and without a doubt my goal of a 2 hour or dream of a sub 2 hour half is gone.  Let it go.... Run. Walk. It doesn't matter.

Choosing Joy. Noting worth accomplishing is easy, and I did not do a great job training for this next marathon, so it truly will not be easy. Not and easy run and I am sure a difficult recovery. But in the end I will have one more bib and one more medal on my wall and one more experience with some of my favorite women and that will be well worth all the pain.

No more negative thoughts, no more fear.....it will be whatever it will be and I am still braver than those too afraid to try....

The miracle is not that I finished, the miracle is that I had the courage to start.
~John Bingham