Mixed Emotion

Gigi is 12 days away from her 3rd birthday! It really seems impossible to believe that she has been on this earth three years! Where did the time go? I stay at home with the girls, I am here every day and it’s gone so quickly that I am sure I’ve missed something. For the first year of G’s life I took a million photos, at least. I dressed her up and changed her outfits, posed her and played with her and breathed her in. When G was 18 months old Lula was born and as sure as all mothers are that they could not possibly love another like the first, I was too. And like all of the mothers before me and all those that will come after, I they were, I was and they will be wrong! I knew it in my core that I could and would love another like my first, but I did not realize how different it would be.

I have to divide time between the two and dividing one being, among two who refuse to take anything less that 100% is hard! I am always sure someone is being gypped. I have only a fraction of the photos of Lu that I did of G. To try and photograph the two of them is an exercise in futility. Neither one can sit still, you cannot get them to look or smile at the same time… Even to capture separate photos, the subject might cooperate but the other is hinging on, trying to grab the camera, screaming for attention… The same goes for any kind of one on one attention. Lu has to be sitting on me, but ONLY when I am trying to do something with just G. G generally ignores me and insists “I can do it by myself!” unless I am involved with Lu in which case she is utterly unable to do even the simplest of tasks by herself.

Three means preschool, something that G has been begging to do since they built a school in our backyard last summer. Preschool while it means my baby isn’t a baby anymore also means time alone with Lu. The prospect of having six hours a week for “Lula and Mommy time” thrills me! G gets a new adventure, a way to expand her horizons, meet and play with kids her own age. I could not be happier for all the wonderful things this year is going to bring her! G’s turning three has so many happy aspects... Save one. Lu will be 18 months old on G’s birthday.

On G’s birthday, Lu will be exactly as old as G was the day Lu was born. They are 18 months apart to the day. 18 months has always been a significant time span in my brief time as a mother. Something about Lu passing that age is causing my heart to ache. She is my last baby. I have no regrets and no second thoughts about our decision to only have two children. I am not having that ‘’longing for a baby’’, that people with try to say I am. In fact I adore this age with Lu as I did with G. I am all about that newborn stage for about a minute before I want them walking and talking and someone I can play with. I don’t wish Lu was a baby again. I don’t wish I had or was having another baby, but this impending age makes me feel as though I am about to walk through a door that will close and lock behind me forever.

I better start paying closer attention; they are only babies for a heartbeat. If I am not careful, the next time I look up Lula will be on her way to preschool.

Coming Home from the hospial

1 month old

2 months old

3 months old

4 months old

5 months old

6 months old

7 months old

8 months old

9 months old

10 months old

11 months old

12 months old

13 months old

14 months old

15 months old

16 months old

17 months old

17 months old