A Milestone...

I realize for some mothers the simple act of dropping their young child off at VBS, or camp or daycare might simply be... normal.


I realize that there are other mothers who cannot even bring themselves to consider leaving their child in anyone else's care or capable hands; until the law tells them that they either have to send their child school or home school them.


Me....Well I am somewhere in the middle.


When Gigi was a baby I remember saying... "I will never send G to preschool. I am a stay-at-home-mother. I plan to remain a stay-at-home-mother for as long as possible and as such it is my responsibility to foster a learning environment for her here at home or out and about in the world. I have the time and the capability and the wherewithal to engage her little mind." ––– Or so I thought...

The one thing I have realized over this past year; I cannot provide for my little social butterfly the socialization that she so needs and craves. Our weekly play dates with neighborhood buddies, Gymboree, story time, puppet shows, children's museum outings, zoo outings, arts and crafts outings – While fun and good and healthy activities; none of these things were providing her with the level of social interaction that she needs and would get from a preschool environment.

So – we came to the realization that home was not enough and decided attending preschool as soon as possible was a must for G. Once that decision was made I truly began to look forward to that day. The day when I would drop Gigi off and she would go, learn, blossom, grow! Happy and fulfilled.

But then... Doubt started to creep in – just a little. I started to worry about her – I’m her mom, she’s my baby, she can be shy and I am all she’s ever known. I know how badly she has wanted to go to school for the last year, but... She has had some really great {eye opening} moments on the playground where she would try to make a new friend out of a stranger; and other moments when new kids made her want to hide behind my leg.

What if this little girl who has told me every morning for a year, when the school bell rang in our backyard: "OK! It's time for me to go to school!" –– What if that little girl refuses to let go of me when it's time for her to actually go to school? What if she cries and my heart breaks into a million pieces and she never speaks to me again because I abandoned her at school when she was 3 years old??? {Crazy… I know! But when the ‘what-ifs’ come creeping in – they’re never rational ‘what-ifs’– they are always crazy, irrational, hypothetical, end of the world, the sky is falling, gloom and doom scenarios}

Then, an opportunity presented itself to send G to school last week; Put the ‘what-ifs’ to rest; Get her familiar with the surroundings; the staff and maybe even some of her classmates before the school year started. I had to jump at it! The school was offering a week of Vacation Bible School – 2 hours a day for 5 days. G's teacher would be there – I was sure a few of the kids who she would be meeting in the fall would be there – and her best neighborhood buddy, Taylor would be there! It was a perfect chance to send G off to this new adventure with a friend for moral support! They would get used to this new routine of going off to school together – This was going to be great! Except... they were separated into different groups and did not get to “be together” for moral support like we’d hoped– It would be okay.

And it was! Although I underestimated how hard it was going to be – for all of us! There were tears; G cried the first day when I said good-bye; Lula cried everyday when we left G and most of the two hours G was away; and I cried the first day when I returned to pick her up and saw my baby in line, walking back into the school, looking all grown up! This was the first time G had been left with someone other than family or a friend who might as well be family. G asked everyday to stay with me – and that was hard, but in the end I know she had a great time! I am comforted by the fact that I now know what to expect come August – More important we now know who's hands we are leaving G in and how truly capable, supportive and nurturing they are!

This was a big step for all of us... The first – I know – of many.

Truer words...

Truer words were never spoken…

“Stop behavior includes the frequent, minor, everyday hassles kids present to you, such as whining, disrespect, tantrums, arguing, teasing, fighting, pouting, yelling and so on. Stop behavior – in and of itself – ranges from mildly irritating to obnoxious. Each of these difficult behaviors alone may not be so bad, but add them all up in one afternoon and by 5 p.m. you may feel like hitchhiking to South America.”

– Dr Thomas W. Phelan Ph.D   ‘ 1-2-3 Magic - Effective Discipline for Children 2 – 12 ’

Dr. Phelan hit the nail on the head! Ding-ding-ding-ding! We have a winner folks! Someone gets it! Someone has been a fly on the wall in my house and has seen how each little episode of whining and fighting and refusing to eat - alone is not so bad… but at the end of the day… when all is said and done…. Dr. Phelan said it exactly right; by 5pm I am so ready to hitchhike to South America and NEVER RETURN! But since running away is not an option they must have witnessed me having an “adult temper tantrum” at about bath/bed time and said “Lord- help that woman stop acting like a child!” and thus 1-2-3 Magic came into my life.

Brian and I have read Dr. Phelan’s book now and have had so many “Ah-Ha moments” it’s not even funny…. Actually – Come to think of it, it might be very funny. If Dr. Phelan tells you not to do something and I mean never ever, ever, ever, ever, do “X-Y-Z” if you want your child to listen/behave. Then Brian and I have been doing” X-Y-Z” and “Q-R-S & T” too!

It’s so simple – so frying pan upside the head easy, it’s ridiculous! But it makes so much sense! There was nothing in this book that we looked at each other, rolled our eyes and said “yeah right” too. Granted the proposed result from using this 'method' of parenting so fricking uncomplicated it might have raised our eyebrows at first - but the further on we read the more and more sense it all made.

I broke down and was willing to read a 'parenting book' for two reasons. I was tired of the way things were going at home. I was tired of yelling – Because I know full well that yelling produces zero results. It only raises blood pressure – strains the throat and gives the neighbors within earshot something to gossip about. The second was that I know Dr. Phelan - Not personally, but I know of him. His books on ADD and ADHD were in my home as a child. Once I opened ‘1-2-3 Magic’ I could hardly put it down. It was an easy, eye opening and quite often entertaining book.

Now, I have been no saint. I have done the opposite of what one should do according to Dr. Phelan on many occasions. In fact there are some scenarios that my reaction every time it happens is the opposite of what it “should” be. But I read the book first and kept saying “Someone should tell my hubby this.” – “That is exactly what my hubby does.” – “My hubby is either going to love this or hate this.” – “If things are going to change – my hubby and I are going to have to change.” – I was worried what he would think. For the record – not only did my darling husband need to changes his ways – I did too – I was right there with him on the mistake, mishandling and mishap train.

I wish I could have been in the car with the hubby as he was listening to Dr. Phelan on tape. I wish I could have seen the expressions on his face as he heard what I read – each scenario presented was one we’d been in before. Each example of what not to do was exactly what we did. The phone call from him was priceless. “I do exactly what I shouldn’t do – every time!” It was an “Ah Ha moment” – not a “What a crock of shit moment” - Thankfully!

So we have started the “counting” and so far we have had good results. We are not pro’s at it yet. We stumble, make mistakes and have yet to become consistent with it, but feel confident that once we do we will have a happier, more peaceful home. Our short term goal is to have the “stop behaviors” under control both at home and in public by the end of the summer so that we can get a grip on the “start behaviors” – i.e. eating, cleaning up, bedtime.

This parenting thing is hard… I’m pretty sure you don’t get the hang of it until you’re a grandparent!

Maybe someday soon, 5 o’clock will roll around and I won’t feel like hitchhiking to South America anymore! Once can hope, can’t they?