Project Body Back: Week Two Eloquence lost

{ Yup - That's what the scale actually read on my first weigh in! }

I *LOVE* Body Back!

It's brutal hard. It has made me cry. It has held a mirror up that I have been refusing to look at for a while now. It's empowering, exhausting, exasperating and without a doubt the best thing I have ever done for myself!

BUT...... The wheels fell off the wagon this week...........................The meal plan and I are not friends.My food diary and I are full on enemies. I need to mbrace {That's for you Mel!} these two aspects of Body Back, yet I kind of have this snotty attitude towards them. It's not good..... I am only screwing myself.  I really do want to get on board, but this week has been filled with a lot of excuses, and a lot of emotion and A LOT of children. So........ starting Monday..... I'm on board. Me, the Meal Plan and My Food Journal will be BFF's..... Okay We won't be BFF's but we will be friends. Alright, I might actually, talk sh*t about them behind their backs, but they will think we're tight!

My first weigh-in showed a number that surprised me and disappointed me a little. My second weigh-in showed a one pound weight gain! Despite a great effort to eat right, follow a revised version of the meal plan and writing everything down, I gained a pound.  I GAINED AN EFFING POUND!!!!!  This took me from having a not so good week to being full on pissed off. Pissed off after telling myself before weigh in, that the scale doesn't matter; I then became pissed that I was pissed.

I tried to work all of my anger out during that night's brutal rounds class.  I shed a few tears while pushing myself to go all out. Then swallowed back a bunch of tears when it was all over and tired to put the past behind me...Put my best foot forward and move on from there with a new determination. Ah - yeah.....It lasted all of an hour.  At about 9pm I was still annoyed. With what exactly I wasn't sure but although I felt as if I'd left it all on the court, I hadn't left my frustration. So....... I did the only logical thing I could think of..... I poured myself a double Vodka.

Thirty minutes later, still not feeling any better I did the next logical thing I could think of..... I ate a sleeve of Pepperidge Farms Shortbread cookies.

Not my finest hour....

I was only moderately good about my eating for the rest of the week.  A friend in crisis, a house filled with children, only half of which were mine and friends coming into town for the weekend didn't do a lot to help with my 2-a-day workout schedule, so I fear week 2 is shot.....

I has not been a total loss. I did run 5.12 miles yesterday morning. Shaving 4 minutes off of my previous time for the same distance!! This morning's Body Back class was a traveling class and I ran 4 miles there. {I must say, to date the traveling class his been my favorite - But there is something cathartic about running...} I deeply fear the scale tomorrow night {3 night's early by the way, thanks to the OC Marathon}

I would love to wax poetic about how life changing Body Back is {and it is} but I am exhausted. I have been avoiding this post for days for a number a reasons- Not the least of which is my loss of eloquence. I just don't know what to say.  My girlfriend Mel said it best in her post about this week..... If you don't have anything nice to say.....

I want to be proud of myself.... I *AM* proud of myself.... But I am disappointed too. I think I have been waiting for me head to be in a better place. I have been waiting for a moment when I could let go of the scale, pat myself on the back for the work that I did. Take some pride in my new milestone distance of 5.12 miles.....

I can already see that 8 weeks is not going to be enough. It is going to take me 8 weeks to get to a point where I can forgive myself. It is going to take me 8 weeks {at least} to learn how to be kind to myself.  Maybe that should be my goal - "Learn how to cheer for Shelbi."........Oh and to have those "guns" that Kelly told me I'd have at the end of the 8 weeks.  Arms like Michelle Obama is absolutely a goal of mine!!

Two weeks down, four more to go. I am so happy that I am on this journey! I already know why so many of the Mamas are back for their second and third sessions. 

Don't forget to link your Body Back Blog posts below....

Project Body Back: I have been weighed - I have been measured - and I have been found wanting.

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag

Drifting through the wind

Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin

Like a house of cards

One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep

Six feet under scream

But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you

Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light

And let it shine

Just own the night

Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework



This song came on as I was driving home from my first Body Back Class tonight. With windows down, wind blowing and radio blaring I really needed to hear this song!  I had no illusions that Body Back was going to be anything less than hard. In fact I was sure that I would discover that I had a lot further to go than I expected going in; but I was not prepared to discover that I am no nearly as strong as I thought I was.

It was a truly eye opening experience. YES. I have had 2 children in the last 4 years. YES I have had 2 Ceserian sections. BUT I have been working out steadily with Stroller Strides for over a year now. I am unable to complete one full sit up. That's right folks. With feet firmly planted, hands behind my head and both remaining in said positions.... I.Cannot.Sit-up.Once. Not one time.....*Gulp*

My saving grace... The one small victory that I am clinging to.... Of the first time Body Back Mamas tonight, I held my plank the longest. NO. I know that it it not a competition, but in order for me to dig deep I had to set a goal to hold my plank longer than every other mama.  With each mom the dropped I feel deeper and deeper into Lamaze breathing. {You know the natural childbirth class that helps you breath through the pain..... t\The breathing technique that you don't need when you have 2 c-sections!  I am SO GLAD I took that class now! It was not a waste of a Saturday afternoon {four years ago} after all!!} 3 minutes and 8 seconds later I called time. Last Mama Standing. Or rather.... Last Mama Planking!!  WIN! {I'll take it!}

I'm still a caterpillar, but I will be a butterfly! I have a long way to go. I am not yet freakishly strong, but that.... That is my Body Back goal.... I want to be freakishly strong! {Oh...... That and do at least one full sit-up!}

•Breathe deeply and appreciate the moment. Living in the moment could be the meaning of life.

Even if you have already linked a Body Back, Stroller Strides or Personal Fitness Blog post to my first week's Journey feel free to add your current post as well if you have one! Keep sharing your stories!!

Project Stroller Strides: Mama On A Mission

Okay, Yesterday I posted about my first 12 months of Stroller Strides, my accomplishments and my new plan. Today I am here to start blogging officially about Body Back.

I debated starting a separate blog dedicated to my Body Back Journey but honestly..... We have all discovered I have commitment issues. My ADD gets me all ramped up to start these great projects and in the end all I am left with is a mountain of half finished failures.  I am tired of abandoning things and tired of having to face my nearest and dearest when my interest or energy in yet another project fizzles out.  The safest way to do this is to keep Body Back as part of my Project Stroller Strides series and keep it right here.  SO for those of you who come here to laugh at my Mishaps and shake your heads at my Musings and cheer on my Milestones.... feel free to tune out when I go on about Body Back or..... Instead join me.  Find a Body Back Class, or a Stroller Strides or make a commitment to get your sweat on along with me!  For some of you this might be your chance to take some great advice from my new favorite company Lululemon and "Do one thing each day that scares you" Trust me, I know that exercise can be scary!!

Today is my last day to splurge but honestly.... Except for the half a bottle of wine that will be calling my name to finish tonight.... I don't much feel like Death By Chocolate Cake or Ice Cream or even a Cheeseburger.... So I am not going to force myself to indulge in something I am not in dire need of just because it's my last chance!  I may have to give myself a day or a night where I can indulge my need for a bit of liquid courage. Hubby is on the road all the time and bath/bed-time is about the end of my rope most days so.... For the children's sake {haha} I may have to allow myself a glass of wine once a week. We shall see...

The very best part of joining the Stroller Strides family has been Sisterhood in Motherhood. The unconditional support. The loud and resounding cheers of encouragement. The understanding and empathetic hand on a shoulder when needed....I know that tin order to get to the other side of this Body Back Journey I am going to have to rely on my Sister Mamas to push me, support me and encourage me. I also know that I am not the only Mama who feels this way about her Stroller Strides family; and those of us who blog, tweet or otherwise share our Stroller Strides and Body Back experiences, are so touched and motivated by strangers words of encouragement. So..... I will be adding a link to each Body Back post for the next 8 weeks. I encourage you to take this journey with me and share your ups, downs, challenges and triumphs with us. Link your blogs to A Mothers Musings and I promise to support your journey with all of my heart!

Ready?? Here We Go.....

"The conscious brain can only hold one thought at a time. Choose a Positive Thought!"

Project Stroller Strides: One Year and A New Plan Later....

For  Kelly,  Katie  and  Jill...

{ In my best Wizard of OZ voice: }

 Pay no attention to the 5lb weights in the photo - they will be 10lbs weights by Wednesday evening!

It doesn't seem possible that it has been a year! Just 13 months ago I wrote about using our Tax refund to pay for my newest attempt to recapture the glory days when I was... well in shape instead of a shape.  So... here we are, 12 months of Stroller Strides later and I am in shape. I still have a lot of work to do if I want to be 19 year old, Physical Education major fit again, but I have faith..... and a plan!

This year I went from not being able to run 30 yards to running my first ever 5k {3.1 miles}! I dropped 20 pounds, 2 dress sizes, and a full cup size. I will admit; I was not exactly thrilled about downsizing my bra - But I was ecstatic to be able to squeeze myself into some pre-wedding clothes!  My "baby weight" started a few years before the babies arrived, so forget about pre-baby, I wanted pre-married Shelbi back!

I have been running on a semi-regular basis and am just about to start training for my first 1/2 Marathon {13.1 miles}.  The Long Beach, California Marathon/Half Marathon coincides with my 35th birthday this year. I took that as a sign.... Turn 35 and run a half marathon! What better way to celebrate my mid-thirties, right??

Time to step it up, get off the plateau that I am on and take my health and fitness to the next level!  I find myself living life according to Nike slogans these days. But honestly they are motivational!!  So for me.... Strong is The New Beautiful and You Can't Finish if You Don't Start and always JUST DO IT! So Wednesday evening I get my butt out there sans-kiddos, join some of my dearest mama friends and for the next 8 weeks I push myself to my physical and mental limit.  I am removing "I Can't" from my vocabulary and replacing it with "I WILL!" even if it's only "I will be capable of that by the end of this eight weeks!"

So here I am standing on the edge, toeing the line with no idea what truly lies ahead of me. But knowing full well that I am about to take a step that will forever change me. I am excited!!

For the next eight weeks I will be one of 16 women participating in Mama Wants Her Body Back!  A no holds barred Mama boot camp. No kids, just 16 women, raw emotions, sweat, tears and a goal. My goal... what I want to get out of Body Back.... I cannot say just yet. I have been thinking about it for a while.  Would I like to drop a few more pounds.... Yes, I suppose I would but I also know that muscle weighs more than fat so....  I would happily drop another dress size.  I would like to run farther and faster. I would like to be stronger.  Honestly I think I would like to have a bikini body again. {Oh... I don't want to wear a bikini, I would just like to be able to if I so desired}

What I want to do for the next 8 weeks. I want to leave it all on the field, pavement, mountain, etc... I want to give 120% and collapse knowing that I could not have given it one ounce more because I honestly and physically didn't have another ounce. I want give it up and let go and push myself past my breaking point because I am sure that I am capable of so much more than I give myself credit for. I want to do one more push-up when my arms and head are screaming "Not. Gonna. Happen!" I want to sink  1" deeper into that wall sit when my legs are shaking so violently that I am sure my muscles are tearing. I want to dig deep and sprint that last few yards when everything in me says stop or you are going to vomit and my legs feel like cement and I can barely lift them.  I want to know that I did everything I could possibly do and then I pushed just a little bit further to make sure.

Here is a before and after shot of me from this past year. Granted NOT the best examples of Fat Me and Less-Fat Me! Funny how every photo taken of you for so long looks like Shamu, but when you need to find one of those horrific photos you cannot come across one!  I promise to share true Biggest Loser style Before and After shot for this newest journey to get my Body Back! Wish me luck!!





Before Stroller Strides

       

After 12 months of Stroller Strides




 

•The world is changing at such a rapid rate that waiting to implement changes will leave you 2 steps behind. DO IT NOW, DO IT NOW, DO IT NOW!

Body Back® is the newest program release from Stroller Strides' founder Lisa Druxman. It is a results-based workout designed specifically for moms. Whether they just had a baby or had a baby twenty years ago, it will help any mom get her body back. Most importantly, it will help moms unlock their personal possibilities in an inspiring and powerful environment.
Body Back® clients experience targeted high-intensity workouts, inspiration and motivation in every class. When done in conjunction with Lisa's Mama Wants Her Body Back meal plan and workout DVDs, you have a surefire combination for success.

{Project Simplify}

My worst nightmare

Okay well it's not exactly my worst nightmare. My worst would be anything happening to my children, husband, family or friends.  But this.... this is right up there!

I know that you might be sick of me saying it but I AM NOT A FAN OF PRINCESSES!  Don't judge, raise your own little princesses and adore all things Disney. Whatever. De-friend, Delete or Dump me but I am just not a fan. It's hot button topic for me. Something that make me cringe and clench my jaw and just go...well.... a little suffragette.

Tonight at dinner I asked Gigi about school, What she learned, who she played with, what she did.  She told me that she played Princess on the playground.  This is a game that I have been hearing about quite a bit lately from her. She and a few other boys and girls play on the playground. The girls are Princesses and one of the boys is a dragon and another boy "rescues" the Princesses.  These last several weeks that I've been hearing about this game I have said nothing.  I am raising Gigi to be well rounded. Hubby and I play baseball and soccer with her in the backyard. She plays with the boys on the playground and rough-houses with her friends.

So tonight I finally ask about this game. There is really no point that I can see, but children's games don't need a point. It's a lot like tag {as far as I can gather} and so I ask:

Do the girls ever get to rescue the boys from the dragon?

{laughs}
No Mommy. Girls can't rescue the boys, we're princesses.

{gulp, gasp, vomit} Did my child really just say that? MY child???
Gigi, of course princesses can rescue the boys. Girls can do anything boys can do!

{more laughs}
Silly mommy!  Girls can't rescue boys because boys can rescue themselves.

Yes Sweetie, and girls can rescue themselves too! AND sometimes girls have to rescue the boys too!

{eye rolls and giggles as if I am pulling her leg}

{Cold sweat, Panic, Frustration} How did a bunch of 3 and 4 year old children do this to my child??  They only get to influence her 3 hours a day two days a week. I spout girl power - My girlfriends spout girl power - my close knit family of Mamas at Stroller Strides embody girl power - there are so so many forces and influences and strong women in this child's life everyday that speak and live and show what women can do.  How? Why?

STOP!

I know what you are thinking:
-She's only 3
-It's just a game
-It's make believe


Don't judge!  If it were just a game and the girls and boys took turns slaying the dragon - Fine! But she is telling me, No when I am telling her that girls can fight their own dragons and rescue the boys. Not cool!

So I excuse myself from the dinner table, sprint upstairs to the bookshelf and grab the Paperback Princess return to the dinner table and read to the girls. When I was done with the story, a story we have read a number of times before by the way, Gigi said: That's not a very good story.
{argh!} Wanting to tear my hair out I gave up and changed the subject.  I am still so very not okay with this!

So to my husband ,who sat next to me a few weeks ago wondering "Why?" I was so perturbed at the parents and a handful of the children in the Documentary Kick Like A Girl. THIS IS WHY!  I was appalled that 7 and 8 year old children had archaic views about "gender rolls". I was appalled when 7 and 8 year old  boys and girls were putting each other into tiny boxes; and I was furious at the parents in this day and age that supported and perpetuated these small minded, infuriating, ideas. That, was 7 and 8 year old children. My daughter is playing with 3 and 4 year old preschoolers. Kids I like very much by the way; With parents that I have grown to know and like very much over this past 8 months. So where is this coming from???

Looks like I am going to have to be a bit more on top of the Women's Lib here at home. As for right now..... I am climbing into bed and crying myself to sleep. And..... I suppose if I cannot teach the Damsel in Distress out of Gigi, I can always rely on Lula to pound the Princess out of her!

{Project Simplify}

Seriously???

Oh it's been one of those days..... The girls were up and cranky at 5:30 this morning. {here's a hint girls if you are pissy when you wake up at 5:30am because you're tired - Don't Wake Up At 5:30am!} *sigh* In a futile attempt to "make lemonade" {and I am NOT a morning person} I pulled on a pair of running shorts, my Nike's, threw the girls in the Stroller and a few cereal bars in their laps and hit the road for a sunrise run.

So, how was I rewarded for making a healthy and productive choice?  I run headlong into a gale force wind for a mile while the girls whine that they "want to go home" ; and I actually tear up at how miserable this run is shaping up to be. But I refuse to quit!  {at least in the first mile} So I fight the wind and muscle my parasail of a stroller into a wind that is doing it's damnedest to push my backward or at the very least stop me in my tracks.  I fought the elements for roughly 2 and half miles of my intended 3 plus mile run before eventually calling it quits.

Home- grab a real breakfast- and get the girls dresses for Stroller Strides.  That's when I realize that now I'm feeling pissy! Maybe a real workout and some of my sister-mamas will help me turn this day around?  They are usually the best remedy for a crabby, over tired or overwhelmed mama! Today however, No.Such.Luck.  The workout was killer but I don't know if it was the wind or the nasty allergies everyone seems to be suffering from but we were all a bit subdued today.

The girls were..... well the have been worse at Stroller Strides, but their picking at each other was getting on my nerves so I cut their post workout playtime short and piled them back into the car. Then I started to feel guilty that I had dragged them out in the insane wind this morning..... and then asked them to sit in the stroller again for an hour while I worked out..... and maybe I was being too hard on them.... So I treated them to Chic-fil-a for lunch and promised to take them swimming.  Thinking to myself that might be just the ticket for three cranky girls, a nice long swim....

So.... Here is where my day went to Hell and I never recovered..........................................................

When we got home I settled the girls in the living room, turned on a show and told them I was going to get our swim stuff.  Then I headed upstairs, peeled off my sweaty, stinking workout clothes and began to gather swim suits and towels. After washing my face and hunting for sunscreen, and throwing my foul clothes in the washer  I turned the corner to start down stairs when I hear Gigi say from somewhere near the bottom of the steps "You're gonna be in trouble." She said it so calmly and matter-of-factly that I knew I was not going to like what I saw!

What I was not prepared for was what a 2 year old, left alone for 10 minutes is truly capable of.... Lula took the step stool from the bathroom into the craft closet... got the acrylic paints down that she always wants to play with but is well aware she is not allowed to touch.... and decided to finger paint {and foot paint} my beautiful beige tile floor with Black.Acrylic.Paint!  I am assuming that Gigi discovered Lula "painting" and when she called her out for this transgression Lu started to clean it up; But not before Lula walked her covered in paint hands all the way across my wall on her way to the bathroom where she would smear the bathroom light switch, faucet sink and floor with paint. Leaving pools and hand prints and finger prints and foot prints everywhere.

Okay - I lost it!!  I did!  I was so angry with both Lu and myself that I screamed and both girls cried and then I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed the floor praying that I could get the paint off before it seeped into the porous tile and stained it forever.  The wall...well the wall was going to be a lost cause.  I must have scrubbed the anger out because by the time I got the floor clean I found the wall a bit funny. Don't tell the girls that though!

All things considered she did a pretty good job of making a nice line of clear hand prints.  I would maybe even "love" the ruined wall if she'd picked purple, or green or even orange, but nope....She picked black! I may be warming to the wall of "dirty" hand prints leading into the downstairs bathroom but that doesn't mean the day got any better or I was an happier with the girls. But - Tomorrow is a new day - Fresh; without any mistakes in it........yet!

*sigh*
Kids...

{Project Simplify}